“I have an awesome plan. I’m going to work here for six months, save as much money as I can, and then go live in Ecuador until the money runs out.” – Anonymous Barista
As I waited for my order, I overheard one of the baristas at my favorite coffee shop share the above plan with her co-workers. It was the middle of winter, so the idea of picking up and moving to a tropical climate sounded like an awesome idea to me. As I braced myself to head back into the arctic chill, I silently hoped that she was brave enough to follow through with it.
One year later, she was still working at the coffee shop, and as far as I could tell, she never made it to the equator. Maybe it was just an offhand comment she made to ward off the chill, or perhaps, like most plans, it was real at first and then it faded as soon as ‘real life’ got in the way.
For most of us, that is exactly how our plans go. We always start with good intentions, but over time it seems that old habits creep back in, or unexpected obstacles get in our way. Are we that fickle and undisciplined, or is it something deeper that prevents us from staying the course?
Can you please tell me how to get to Life Planning 101?
The reality is that we have never been given the tools or the training to plan our lives effectively. Schools don’t cover even the basic principles of life planning, and whatever we learn as adults is either too narrowly focused (retirement planning, time management) or too late to do much good (marriage counseling).
I’ve heard many divorced people say that the lessons that they learned in marriage counseling helped them more in their second marriage than the first. Wouldn’t it have been better to learn some of those skills before getting married?
And while there are thousands of books, videos and self-help programs designed to help you accomplish individual goals – weight loss, investments, health – most of them are ‘goal-oriented’, and are not designed to give you a balanced approach to a successful life.
Most plans fail simply because they violate one or all of the following Laws of Planning:
1) A successful plan includes all of the important parts of our life in a balanced way: our physical, spiritual and mental health, our relationships, our financial state of mind and our ability to contribute to others.
2) A successful plan must be based on your own core beliefs and values, not on beliefs and ideals that were put there by advertisers.
3) A successful plan has multiple, realistic back-up options that you can act on immediately and with confidence.
The Importance of Balance
A few years ago, a friend decided to compete in an Ironman race, and spent several weeks putting together a detailed training and nutrition plan, buying an expensive new bike and sharing his goal with everyone he knew. His wife and kids shared his excitement, and fully supported him.
Several weeks into his training, however, everyone’s feelings started to change. His training schedule was putting a lot more strain on his family than they expected, and the guilt he felt about being away from them, coupled with the resentment that everyone was starting to feel, made him quit altogether. Because he told everyone he knew about his goal, he felt like a loser for not following through with it.
The crazy thing is that he and his family did everything, including quit, for the right reasons, yet they all ended up feeling some level of guilt, anger and embarrassment. He failed in part because he was only focused on one aspect of the goal – the completion of the race.
Had his goal fit into a more balanced overall plan, that took into consideration the most important people around him, perhaps his goal or approach would have been different, or he and his family would have been better prepared for the eventual challenges.
The Plan Needs to be Yours
When I asked my friend why he chose an Ironman, he told me that he needed a change, and that it seemed like a worthy challenge. At face value, these seemed like pretty good reasons, especially in a culture that places high value on extreme experiences. But in his core value structure and belief system, his relationships with his wife and kids far outranked extreme experiences, so his plan was in trouble from the start.
Unless we define why we are trying to achieve something, and make sure that reason is aligned with our deepest values, we are setting ourselves up for failure before we even start. For example if you honestly believe that rich people are evil, it’s going to be very hard to get rich.
Getting clear on our values and beliefs is harder than you’d think. We’ve all developed some circular logic and conflicting beliefs over time, and when you add the daily barrage of marketing slogans and images to the mix, you have the recipe for real confusion.
We see over 360 ads a day, which means that once every 2.8 minutes, we are sold on something, or told what to think. Who wouldn’t eventually give in to that kind of pressure, and start believing that success is based on making millions of dollars and having 6% body fat, $200 jeans and teeth that glow in the dark?
If you doubt this, keep in mind that Google and Facebook are in a race to see who gets to a trillion dollar valuation first, largely based on selling ads!
You Must Plan for Failure
Have you ever noticed that, like my friend’s attempt at an Ironman, most goals are ‘all or nothing’? Whether we are running our own business, going to school, or trying to lose weight, no one plans to fail. At the start of journey, everyone is so certain of their success that they can’t envision things blowing up.
However, statistically the rate of success for pretty much anything is awful – 50% of marriages end in divorce or estrangement, 90% of businesses fail within a year or two, 95-97% of smokers go back to smoking after they try to quit on their own, 90% of weight loss plans end in failure, and on and on.
With those odds, you would think that we’d be used to failure, have a healthier outlook on it, and be prepared with multiple realistic backup plans that we can put into action right away. ‘If I quit smoking the first time, I will immediately move to Nicorette. If that fails, I’ll replace it with exercise. If that is interrupted or fails to work, I will call a hypnotist.’
Instead, we leave ourselves with one outcome, and as soon as we find ourselves sliding, we go directly to self-abuse, shame and anger. Or worse, we refuse to admit that the plan is not working, and keep digging the hole deeper.
A Life Plan that Works Every Time
Planning is one of the most important parts of a successful life, yet we get zero education and training on how to do it correctly. As a result, we end up ‘winging it’ most of the time, or with partial plans that are out of balance with our own values and loved ones, and that don’t give us an effective back-up strategy.
A Balanced Life Plan treats these three areas like legs on a stool – if you take one away, the stool falls. While nothing is guaranteed, a good Balanced Life Plan is a major part of a healthy, rich and productive life, and it’s easy to get started.
If you’d like to learn more about creating a Balanced Life Plan, please continue to read on, or subscribe here.